Sunday, October 08, 2006

8:20 PM
just wanna be the star that shines in your darkness

'qiang yan wei xiao'

Last 2 weeks had been a total disaster for me...all the physical and emotional stuff just crawl in without me knowing...

after such a long time...there's so many things i realised in 2 weeks time...

The things i realised hurt me more than anything...how scary can that get...

I wun say what had exactly happened...but i guess...i can't miss the conclusion...

One thing for sure...from the conclusions...i dunnoe how i picked myself up and face what i had realised...

First
my stoooopid mouth didn't work with my brain again...yeah yeah...i got into trouble again...but at least ppl noe my intentions...and at least it wasnt' bad intentions...finally it's over...PA had been done...and now...i felt encouraged for the fact that i managed to do something tat not everyone can...

Second
didn't know how far or how stretched i can be...but over the 2 weeks....i noe i can be....but i dun wish to keep going to the extend...coz even for a rubber band...it will break one day...and i dun wish that day to come...

Third
almost got into many many accidents while driving and on the road was traumatizing... i can't focus and that's dangerous...only then i realised...no matter wat i do i got to be very careful...

Forth
as an accident prone professional...i strained my precious right hand while shifting all documents for the office...now learning to eat using my left hand...haha!....not easy man...

Fifth
realised that...only God understands me....only Him who noes my intention...even though He dun clarify with me...He sure knows me....coz He made me...

Sixth
I still hate assumptions...i hate the fact that ppl assume and misunderstood and can't be bothered to clarify...since they feel they are SO smart and know it all...they are no human...coz no human know it all and no human is perfect...then who are they....hmmm....i dunnoe either...

Seventh
hurt...it really hurt...my heart still bleeds...i dunnoe how to make it stop bleeding...only the close ppl who made it bleed can make it stop...

Eighth
who am i...what am i....so lost for the past 2 weeks...i dunnoe where i stand...i dunnoe wat i'm doing...i'm lost....have i found my way...i dunno...maybe...not sure...maybe not....

Ninth
financial breakdown...that sucks big time....and that is so so so unhealthy....but i trust in the Lord that i will prosper...

Tenth
no matter what obstacles i face...i will overcome...only one thing that will really take a long long time...and that's heartache...reason...i'm hurt...